Men and women say Gary Chapman’s New York Times bestselling book “The 5 Love Languages” has helped to save their relationships.
Chapman told Oprah Winfrey that during his 15 year of counseling couples he heard the same theme. He said one person would say, “I feel like my spouse doesn’t love me.” The other person would say, “I don’t know why, I do this and this and this, why don’t they feel love?”
Chapman discovered that people speak one of 5 love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch.
The author said it’s common for men to think they know their love language is Physical Touch - thinking sex.
“I say, 'Well maybe, but let me ask you a couple of questions. Do non-sexual touches make you feel loved,' ” Chapman told Oprah on her “Lifeclass” series. “And they look at me like a deer in the headlights [asking] ‘Are there non-sexual touches?’ “
Chapman explained that learning your mate’s love language can be a learning curve. For instance, your mate's primary language may be Words of Affirmation but that could be difficult if you grew up rarely hearing words of love or encouragement.
Still, you can adopt what you hear other people say, or pick up ideas of loving things to say from a magazine or a book, Chapman suggested.
In a video segment, “The View’s” Elisabeth Hasselbeck explained how her husband Tim’s love language is Acts of Service, which is challenging for her. “Speaking his language is hard. I unpacked his suitcase one time and you would’ve thought I birthed his first child,” she said. “He definitely felt loved by me.”
Hasselbeck added, “His love language and my language are so different that having the knowledge of what the other’s primary way of speaking love is, is lifesaving, marriage-saving.