As I write this, it is July 4, on a Wednesday, which is a bad day to have the Fourth of July, mostly because you only get the one day off instead of a piggyback day leading to the weekend.
It’s bad for morale because you and I both know we’re going back to work tomorrow with bad attitudes.
We probably worked fairly hard on Monday but on Tuesday we were prepping for the Fourth of July so after about 1 pm we were not in the mood to work. Did you notice that part of the staff had “field” calls to make starting about 2 pm? Suddenly, every detective in the Northern Hemisphere had a follow up to do that would “take some time.”
Now, on the fourth, it can’t be a late night because we’re headed back to work tomorrow—and don’t think we shelved that attitude. If anything, it’s worse so stay outta the way.
The Fourth of July holiday should be a three-day event. That should cover it. The way I see it, it’s one day for food, one day for remembrance of why we have the holiday in the first place, and the third day to recover from all the remembrance festivities that includes liquor and fireworks.
Liquor and fireworks are usually incorporated into the annual message that us public safety folks give to the public. “Be careful” as if that message doesn’t go in one ear and out the other. I’ve made a living telling people to be careful of doing stupid things that will get you in trouble or hurt or both. A lot of what I really want to say I can’t because I have to deliver the message from an “official” position.
If I wasn’t coming from an “official” position, it would sound like this:
“Hi folks, this is Captain Steve telling you to make this Fourth of July a safe one by not shooting bottle rockets from your butt cheeks!”
Every year there are those who attempt to “cheek” a bottle rocket. More often than not, they end up getting burned where the sun don’t shine because the rocket failed to launch but instead welded a nice scar which had to be later explained in the ER—and don’t try and come up with some wild explanation that somehow justifies third-degree burns on the nether regions because you ain’t the first Einstein to march to the hospital doing the funny duck walk courtesy of a bad idea.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big believer in mindless fun but I’ve toned it down ever since my Uncle Dewey’s trip to the hospital during the annual Thanksgiving Schnapps contest followed by the family lawn dart game. Somewhere along the line we figured that wasn’t such a good idea.
As a result, we switched to Tequila.
Officially though, let me say this:
“Hi folks, this is Captain Steve saying alcohol and fireworks don’t mix so be safe and I’ll see you at work tomorrow and let’s all have a good attitude.” (Wink-wink.)